When Reddit users came to the rescue of someone in need
I posted a blog yesterday about the problems you can face being bisexual. I placed it on Reddit in the hope that there might be others in a similar situation as me. There were.
It is easy to assume that you are alone in your thoughts/feelings, but the sheer volume of people thinking the same things as you can be surprising.
From a simple post on Reddit I received numerous comments about what I should do, and even what they thought about my state of mind – all very welcome advice/observations.
After a thousand views of the post in 24 hours (pretty impressive for my blog) I realised that I’d probably hit on a subject that many want to talk about, but don’t necessarily have the resources open to them in order to make an informed decision.
Now I said in my blog that I had a girlfriend. Well, I have decided to take some time to reflect on things. It isn’t the best situation to be in, but until I have dealt with my feelings then I don’t want to hold onto someone for the wrong reasons. Now I’m not advocating that all bisexual people do this, but it’s important to weigh up the options.
For example, as a bisexual I have never really taken the opportunity to consider what it means to me and how I actually feel about it. Yes, I did the whole gay scene when I went out with my friends as a teenager, but now I have hit my 30s I need to consider rationally what I need to do in order to work through the questions I have.
Now that kind of phrase can cause people to jump to the conclusion ‘work out that you’re actually gay?’ That’s not the case. It is more about the emotional and physical attraction that you have with someone of the same gender, and whether as a bisexual person you would feel more comfortable in a relationship with them rather than someone of the opposite sex.
Now to many, a guy dating a guy or a woman dating a woman is the definition of gay. But that isn’t the case, as a bisexual you can still enter a relationship with someone of the same sex and remain a bisexual.
I’ll tell you a really strange story that has played a part in my decision:
A few years ago, before I went to uni, I worked as volunteer in a hospital. My role was to sit with those suffering with dementia and assist in their care. I remember one old man, Arnold, who I would sit with for hours just in silence. All that soothed him was the presence of someone, but to remain calm.
One day his son and his son’s wife arrived at visiting time. I was with another patient at the time, but had to remain vigilant at all times as many relatives would do some very devious things – such as getting the patient to sign over property.
I watched as Arnold’s son spoke very aggressively at him. This was a very common scene, as the children of the patients would get so frustrated that the person they loved couldn’t remember them.
The man was telling his father that he had always hated him, that he had never been a good man. The wife of the son then joined in and demanded to leave.
After they had gone I went to sit with the Arnold. For about 30 minutes we just sat, as he liked, in silence. Then he turned to me and said: “Never live your life with regrets” – it was the eeriest yet most poignant moment of my life. It was as if some mist had cleared and he wanted to tell me something he wished he could have told himself. I wanted to run after his son and tell him that his father did recognise his hurt, but it was too late – Arnold died shortly after.
Now, in no way do I consider my position to be the same as Arnold, but his words made me realise that one day you will look back on your life and question certain actions you took or choices you made.
As cheesy as it sounds you do only live once, but with Arnold’s words in my head I now that I can’t allow a situation to go ignored.
Arnold’s words have influenced a lot of my decisions over the years, including whether to leave a job and whether to move to a new place, but I think it’s time that I put them into action in probably the most important area of your life – your emotional well-being.
So, thank you to all my fellow Reddit users, and to those who said I sounded depressed I hope this reads more like someone who has made the right choice and is keen to move on.