Too gay for women, not gay enough for men – the trouble with being bisexual
I came back to this blog the other day after abandoning it last year. The reason for my negligence? I’d found a girlfriend.
Looking back over things that you have written can be quite depressing – such as what foods you eat as a singleton and the whole dating scene. The trouble is that I am faced with that prospect all over again if I let an influx of external factors suffocate the feelings that I have for someone very special.
The title of this blog may give you a clue as to the topic that I will start to explore, but let’s get straight to the point: I am a bi guy.
The issue with being bisexual is that people assume it is a transitionary stage to becoming a fully fledged gay person, almost like dipping your toe into the unknown to see what it’s like before you take the plunge. That might be true for some people, but not all.
I’ve know that I was bisexual for years, and I don’t keep it a secret in relationships and openly admit that it is who I am. I am not willing to hide who I am to ‘fit in’. I have to admit that the majority of women you meet can feel uncomfortable with it, but there are those who simply don’t care. They ask one question: do you want to be with me?
Now let me explain that when you are bisexual that you feel the same feelings towards the person you are with as would a homosexual or heterosexual. The likelihood of you cheating is the same. The difference is managing the feelings you harbour towards those of the same gender; it could be someone you see on the street or perhaps the television, either way thoughts pass through your head that make you feel guilty and ultimately insecure in yourself – and insecure in your relationship.
As your girlfriend innocently gets on with things you find yourself freaking out that you are somehow not good enough for her, that she is compromising for someone that can’t offer her everything she needs. You then are faced with society, the majority of which are not happy with the label of ‘bisexual’ – you’re either plain weird or just a gay man in denial.
When your girlfriend reveals it to her family you have to brace yourself for the awkwardness. I have had girlfriends fall out with their parents over my sexuality, after being instructed to split up with me. Now I appreciate that this is only done out of love, but it is also fuelled by ignorance.
You wince as your girlfriend tells you that she has ‘spoken to her friends about it’ – a mixture of pity and suspicion is then the order of the day. When you meet them you hold onto your beliefs, but are acutely aware the questions they would love to ask. The worst scenario is when they have a partner who you find attractive.
Now this may read like I am not confident in who I am. The issue I have is that I think too much about what others think. But the problem is that my fears are often validated.
You may have your own ideas and opinions on someone saying they are bisexual, but please remember that these ‘weird’ folk do exist, and they have no intention of identifying themselves as anything other than what they are, despite how convenient it would be.